"Iron Man" vs Iron Man
Background: Originally released in 1970 on Black Sabbath’s tour de force Paranoid, “Iron Man” is considered by many to be the best heavy metal song of all time. Written when Ozzy still had enough functioning brain cells to formulate a unique tale of duty, ostracization, betrayal, and death, “Iron Man” is widely regarded to be a pinnacle of early 70’s rock, with drumming that matches a Tommy gun’s intensity and a Tony Iommi three-fingered riff that might be the most recognized guitar part in all of pop music1. While the lyrics themselves are abstract enough as to not outline a definitive story, the general consensus is that it is a tale of a man who comes to save a village, somehow gets trapped in iron2, gets classified as a social outcast/ oddity due to his new deformity, and decides to bathe all of these ungrateful villagers in their own blood. Any song with that story, no matter its length, genre, tempo, or melody, has a fan in me.
Jon Favreau’s film adaptation of Marvel’s (not Sabbath’s- let me make this clear- they are not the same character) Iron Man would hit the big screen thirty-eight years later to both critical praise and huge box-office numbers3. Revolving around party-boy weapons dealer Tony Stark, the story involves him being kidnapped by some sort of terrorist organization in hopes that he would be able to activate some of his companies’ missiles that these bona-fide assholes had gotten their dirty, dirty4 hands on. Tony escapes eventually (it has something to do with a suit made of- wait for it- iron) and decides to focus his apparently limitless brain on the prevention of mass warfare, not the profiting possibilities. From there the story takes off with back-stabbings a plenty, the creation of a more sell-action-figures friendly Iron Man suit5, and a final showdown which is so sweet that half the film’s attendance came out with type-2 diabetes. Marvel has already signed the stars and directors on for the trilogy- a venture more profitable then investing in a money-making machine, or in reference to the film itself, a “golden egg laying goose.”
Let’s Fight!: It is difficult to compare a film to a song, particularly when said song is in the film (suggesting that Sabbath agreed with Favreau’s vision enough to give him the rights) but I too will try to save the villagers by fighting the good fight. “Iron Man,” while certainly a monumental piece of sonic nirvana that sounds as fresh today as it when it was pressed onto wax thirty-eight years (!) ago, is not without its flaws. For starters, while it is probably the cleanest example of what a good Heavy Metal song is, it is not even the best song on Paranoid. The self-titled track does the 1-2-3 rock n’ roll thing with a reckless smoothness that would not be replicated until those long-hair degenerates from Queens sang “Blitzkrieg Bop.” The album’s opener, “War Pigs,” also proves to be a far more scathing look at society, as well as a better structured rock song6 with a “so this is where this chord progression comes from” of its own. Sabbath is great while rocking but not so great experimenting with voice effects, as the “I am Ironman” robot-voice in the beginning can only be enjoyable to those not taking the song very seriously7. But besides those minor complaints, the song is phenomenal from start to finish- it is rare for a 6 minute song to have such a great pace that it feels like it is really under the 2:30 mark but somehow Sabbath pulls it off with such an effortless cool that is impossible to teach or fake. And perhaps “cool” is the perfect term for it- I don’t think in my adult life that that song has come on and I haven’t lit up a smoke, throw on my shades, rolled down my window a bit8, and cruised with a bit of a “don’t even say one word- I am rocking and will get to you when I do” chip on my shoulder.
Iron Man, on the other hand, is another beast (iron man?) completely. Having been told by about thirty people that I would simply adore the movie9, I was expecting big things and found myself disappointed but at the same time thoroughly satisfied. As a former comic book reader10, I was never that into the mythology of Iron Man as I was just the look of the character himself. While I clearly wasn’t thinking this way back then, I like(d) the contradiction of the suit having an extremely industrial, technological look with the extremely shiny red and gold color scheme- it is a great metaphor for a character who is brilliant but who also has a flashiness in him that is expected of “new billionaire.” Also, I thought having square eyes and mouth would be pretty neat11, but that’s one of those “just cus” things. Favreau and all of his design people did a superb job bringing the look to the big screen, as well as well-paced yet intricate outlining of the evolution of the suit itself. The action sequences, while they do take a little long to get to, are top notch as well. Never before has any other film given the viewer a sensation of flight this visceral and authentic12, with the possible exception of the Spider-Man films, and that doesn’t really count because he was swinging, not flying. Also of note are the fantastic fighting scenes, that really give a viewer the sense of Iron Man just beating the bejesus out of people- although it must be mentioned that I can’t remember the last super-hero film where the hero goes around and just decimates civilians (I acknowledge heavily-armed ones, but people none the less). The cast is perfect as well- Downey Jr.’s take on Stark is great and is bound to become more poignant when addressing the character’s alcoholism, a big plot of the comic book series.
But, I also have some issues with the film. First, some of the plot is simply head scratching. For instance, I know that many terrorists may not have gotten the best education out of My City Is A Ruin University (MCIARU for short), but even they must know not to let a physicist whose family they killed and a multi-billionaire arms developer in a room by themselves with the capabilities to build experimental weaponry. Also, how could Stark be so in the blue about his companies’ illegal dealings with the terrorists? I know the explanation for many is “oh, he was out gambling and womanizing and it snuck up on him,” but that doesn’t float water for me. Also, Terrance Howard’s character, who could have easily been the most likeable in the film, was as stale as the pack of cigarettes I found in my shorts while getting down my “spring clothes.” For instance, when he sees Iron Man essentially in a dog fight with two US fighter planes, his reaction’s sentiment is “Oh, that’s ol’ Stark, being a rascal again!” What? It’s one of your best friends flying in a suit that defies all rational explanation fighting against the very body of the government you work for- I’m not sure what my reaction would be, but it certainly would involve a lot of profanity and whiskey- not a ‘gee, shucks.’ Also, while I do like the Downey character’s smart-ass approach towards things, some of the jokes just fall flat. Also, I thought the “multi-billionaire decides to look a little bigger than himself and help humanity” worked better in Batman Begins, but that’s because I like my heroes depressed and misanthropic more than altruistic and wise-cracking.
Conclusion: So, in the end, there are two ways to look at this fight. If the main character from both pieces fought, you’d have to say the Marvel character would just stomp the piss out of a dude whose only discernible ability is his “boots made of lead.” On the flip-side, when making this challenge, I made sure to accurately punctuate both titles so as to compare the two pieces themselves, not necessarily the iron mans they describe. In that case, “Iron Man” wins hands down- it introduced the world to heavy metal and still rocks twice as hard as any Godsmack or Slipknot song on the radio. Iron Man, while a pretty damn good flick, was neither particularly innovative nor gives me the sense that it will have the longevity of the Sabbath song. We will come back to this when Iron Man 2 is inevitably released. Winner: “Iron Man”
1 Beavis and Butthead used to sing “Duh, Duh, DuhDuhDuh” which is a reference to this song, not Green Jelly’s “Three Little Piggies,” a popular Gwar-esque shock-rock song that swiped the riff.
2 I guess this could be a metaphor for complacency, but knowing Black Sabbath I’m thinking the guy literally got dumped into a pot of smoldering iron
3 As of this writing, $185,000,000 domestically, $350,000,000 world-wide
4 Dirty is one of the few adjectives that warrants repeating
5 And they succeeded- some of the best parts of the film are him playing around with his new found abilities.
6 Although it could argued its more Prog Rock than Metal
7 And it is Black Sabbath, so this is an OK approach
8 Yes, my definition of “cool” is similar to what James Dean did everyday of his life about sixty years ago
9 Percentage rate of me actually “adoring” the film in this circumstance- .1%- I did really like Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Also, don’t think any of my friends have ever used the word “adore” before.
10 I’m sure this isn’t too surprising
11 still do
12 Can’t really back that up, never flown
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