Versus # Five: Maury vs. Jerry
Background: Due to the expensiveness of gas, a complete lack of ability and desire to play the game of golf, and a simple refusal to go to NASCAR1, I found myself constantly within a fifty foot radius of my couch this Memorial Day weekend. Besides playing a depressing (awesome) amount of GTA IV and watching The Departed for the twentieth time, another ‘goal’ of mine was to try to tidy up the ol’ DVR, seeing as it was completely saturated and I was about 95% of the reason that the joyous little invention was full. While the Pack Rat in me refused to erase some of the more dignified documentaries and such2, there was one category that could be sizeably cut- my notable collection of recorded day time talk shows. Over the course of the long weekend, I watched probably five/six episodes of Maury and The Jerry Springer Show3 which proves that (a) my diabolical side is well intact, and (b) I was really, really bored. Both shows are rancid depictions of the dredges of society, but so is The Hills, so I don’t feel but so bad about getting the occasional ego-boost at the cost of some slime’s non-existent dignity. That being said, while the core of both shows prove to be very similar, there are substantial enough differences in presentation, tone, and topic that puts this securely in “vsmatters.com article” territory. Now, let’s see who wins in the battle between two sixty-something year old men’s brainchildren.
Presentation: This part is only for the truly Talk Show-literate, and may be skippable for those who read this blog merely as a courtesy to me. While a subtle piece of the Talk Show machine, production values can supply enough of a given show’s character as to be an accurate indicator of the program’s quality as a whole. Both Jerry and Maury have very unique production styles that add to the overall vision of their respective shows. Jerry’s production is based on audience participation, spectacle, and a sort of self-depreciating humor that is refreshing in a type of program that typically takes itself so seriously. Whether it is the awe-inspiring “Jerry” chants that begin the program, the energetic question/ flash yo’ redneck titties section at the conclusion, or the constant feeling that somebody’s ‘bout to get their ass whipped, the audience plays a fundamental role in Jerry. While Maury’s audience does play a fundamental reactionary role, they are rarely an integral part of the show, and from what I have seen, the grunts have never been given a Q and A session. Jerry also likes to bring a variety of elements into his show to help create this world of a lewd carnival on PCP- whether it be food, midgets, obese people, pole-dances, or awesome sound effects4, a majority of Jerry’s show is already made/produced well before any of the heathens hit the stage for an interview. Maury, on the other hand, is completely about the guests. Paternity tests, the life-blood on which Maury survives, is the best example of this. The girl typically tells her side of the story (usually shot a day or two before on video using some pretty basic editing techniques), then the guy and his new, less-ripped up girlfriend vehemently deny said child with their own video, the two fight, the child’s paternity is determined and the people go crawl under whatever bridge from whence they came. Maury only asks the bare minimum of questions because he obviously knows an elementary fact: unless you are Conan O’ Brien, the host is the least important part of any talk show. Jerry, due to his political and television past, seems more at home as the focus of the program, as seen by his hearty telling of neurotic jokes and ubiquity on the set of the show (how many things can have “Jerry” written on them?). So, while Jerry really does across as an acid-circus with Jerry as the Ringmaster, Maury tends to at least present these tales as human interest pieces.
Tone: It is clear from the get-go, with an advisory warning that has a crying baby in the background, that The Jerry Springer Show is not intended to be taken seriously at all. A recent episode involved a bizarre love pentagon (?) which involved an over-weight “outdoorsman,” his lover, her daughter, his son, and some other rocket scientist all fighting over one another5. No shocker here- there was incest involved; no shocker part 2- there was also a great deal of brawling going on. Now, a host with a genuine concern for all the guests would surely banish such futile brutality and try to help the folks involved in a bizarre situation. Not Jerry- not only is there a bell that rings every time a fight is going to break out, there are also ring card girls that walk by the crowd denoting round number, and a pretty impressive “Security” force which takes the fighters to separate corners and gives them water with a spit bucket during these fight breaks- in other words, not only do they know a conflict is coming, they encourage and embrace the conflict. Also present on the Jerry stage is a stripper pole, a reverend stand, and a variety of other props begging to get used by those so inclined. The Jerry Springer show was voted “Worst show of all time” by TV Guide, and Jerry simply doesn’t want to disappoint. Jerry knows these imbeciles are there but for one reason- to be on TV. Not to resolve conflict, not to reconnect with someone, but merely to have their picture on a light-emitting box for their 15 minutes. Is it pathetic, yes, but an obsession with being noticed is wholly American. Maury, on the other hand, takes another approach with the show, that being of a caring middle-man whose sole purpose is to solve problems and offer solutions to those who think his or her stance in life might be dire. One example is of the reckless children who treat their parents like crap, slut around, and do ‘drugs,’6 and Maury’s ultimate solution of sending them to a “scared straight” like program, in an attempt to get them better. If I think he was being legitimate, I would say this approach is sincere but delusional- at least Jerry doesn’t try to throw the wool veil over your eyes and give you the sensation he gives two shits about these pawns. But that is Maury’s bread and butter- if the point of Jerry is to fight, show our asses and bevy of prison tattoos in a sort of “pig playing with his own filth” motif7, then the point of Maury might be that even though we all might be degenerate sex-fiends with no discipline, we too might be able to gain some assistance. Jerry is the show for identifying the trash, Maury is the show for trying to rectify it.
Topics: Both Maury and Jerry excel in this category, so this part I suppose should go to my “Thank God” blog over my “versus” blog, because if these two were to compete on this playing ground, it would be like the Hulk and that other huge thing fighting in the new Hulk film. As stated before, Maury gets much of its topics because of its intentionally putrid attempt as a human interest show. Paternity tests are obviously the go-to for Maury, as those shows’ popularity has almost made Maury a mere one trick pony, but not quite. Maury also has “lyin’ lovers” shows8, “my kid is a fucking disaster and ungrateful but also probably mistreated earlier in life so I guess I had it coming to me” shows, and, a personal favorite, the fat baby shows, where children as big as 280 lbs at the age of four tickle my funny bone with an uncompromised vigor. While the paternity tests remain the best episodes, all types certainly have their charm (or more accurately: all the people lack charm in varying amounts). Whereas Maury gathers his strength from variety, Jerry gets his quality though the element of surprise and by refusing to making a topic-based episode. In an opening segment you might get midget S and M practitioners, quickly followed by a “rescue” mission where Jerry or Steve cut the wall off a trailer in hopes of saving an obese man. This lack of coherence can make some shows suffer, but as a whole are a great asset to a program that prides itself on unpredictability and simply vulgarity. The element of surprise is an important one, as Jerry wouldn’t be Jerry without somebody getting their heart-smashed, both literally and figuratively, and there is no better way to guarantee both then to illuminate an extra-marital affair or a closet-homosexual offspring. While the episodes can get formulaic, the producers dedication to keep it fresh as well as rednecks’ superb ability to be entertaining keep the show kicking ass and taking names in this, its 17th season.
Let’s Fight!: I know what it must have felt like in the Civil War to be the mother of two fighting brothers. I love both of these shows for the exact reason you think I do- they are trashy, shallow, and an indictment of how backwards our society is. As much as people would like to completely ignore it, these people are just as American as you or I, or for my international crowd, just as much as a human being. Maury seems to approach this with the “well, we acknowledge your problem, let’s get D- West over here and help you see the light” which seems to suggest that just because our society has impressively terrible people, there is hope. Jerry tries to point these people out as mainstays of our culture, and instead of completely banishing them to an existence of government cheese, dozens of children, and toothlessness, he at least let’s them have their say (growl)- he appreciates them as part of society, albeit worthless ones. If Maury is trying to open our eyes to problems, Jerry acknowledges we’re all fucked anyways- we might as well laugh at ourselves. When it comes down to it, that philosophy makes more sense to me. Winner: Jerry!
1 Went last year- had a great time but refuse to deal with the traffic/ prices/ people unless I am thoroughly drunk and have a quality, AC-filled ride home
2 If I can’t impress with my pedantic TiVo, how can I?
3 From here referenced to only as Jerry
4 Personal favorite- When a guy openly admits to having slept with another man only to deny his own homosexuality, the trademark BRRRRR buzzard comes on
5 Did I say rocket scientists? I meant quasi-literate-yokels
6 Huff paint
7 Can’t believe I used this word in a Jerry Springer piece
8 These don’t really do it for me because lie detectors are very flawed- they aren’t admissible in court (as opposed to a DNA test for paternity).
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